David

Words couldn't describe how much I felt when I heard that you got into a car accident...worst still, you are in a really really bad condition, it must be very pain right?? David.

Rushed to hospital and yea...still couldn't believe what I saw in front of my eye...stitches are all around your face, metals supporting your jaws...and there's a tube attached to your head, right to your brain...

Mixed up feelings...tears flowing out and I just couldnt withstand it...either prevent it. Winnie was all broken down, emotionally and spiritually as its obvious enough to see it from her face. Come on bro, you can't be dumping her alone, right...you guys went thru a lot of things together...

You know what??? Wake up and let's go limteh leh.... Sleep sleep sleep...sleep yo head??? Wake up lar... Let's go limteh leh...bills on me... Let's go Malacca, like what we did last year...and before MPU exam, we went to genting just to do revision and went to exam hall right after it.

Just wake up alright?? You can do it. You are far more stronger than this.

Just wake the hell up.

Sleeping beauty is fairy tale, sleeping bro...bullshit!!!

Wake up~~ plsssss

I dont know

Woke up, had brunch and off we go to BH house. Silly was driving..with some retards and idiots, so yea as usual, lot of vulgar words. Reached BH house, cute baby with a fair skin and sleeping soundly, hope you like Mr.Giraffe that we gave you. Ate some light buffet, and D came with P...ah sou hou!! Teasing each other and eating plus some jokes... Clock tick fast enough, 830pm, have to leave. V and Han said wtf you left her alone?? Messages from ET, you seriously did something wrong. Hmm...yea I knew that, but what can I do,I have a meetings to show up, a team to lead, an amount of crazy sponsors to reach and did they know?? They dont. So yea... I just take it and yea, coz of who I am now and things are different now, than it was before. Priorities was given to other matters to attend...I was struggling really hard deep down, real hard before I make the decision... After that, 50k settled, was happy and thought of joining them for second round of drinking.

I'll fetch her to and back later, ET said, yea... So maybe I shouldn't go, or just show up?? I DONT KNOW, after dumping her then show up, for what??

I DONT KNOW.

But guess some light beers and talks would cheer up the environment. So went there, with mixed thoughts. She knew it, Did ET told her about how wrong was I?? Or did they told her that I made the wrong decision??

I DONT KNOW.

Just chill, everything will pass.

No worry.

Tired

This 2 months, yea its been one hell of a ride...So I probably just rant and rage here...But its okay....Things will pass on...Still I wanna shout as hard as I can.

Racq broken, fuckup friend managment and brothers quarelling and grandma pass away...Could there be anything worse than these, come on...I am not iron man... dont come one by one pls. Come on all together...I prefer to take it head on all at a time.

Seriously, tired af.

Herbs

Went for lunch yesterday right after the fuck up meeting with lecturer as I am other team leader for the sponsorship team for my upcoming graduating  showcase...Freaking 100k, where the hell do I find that oh myyy...Nvm..Will always find the ways for it.

Silly was kinda sick as she had fever and her sore throat worsen up...Knowing this thing after fetching her, shouldnt had bought her those cold green tea ice cream...Will only do nothing good but its okay I guess, seeing her literally wanna cry out of happiness coz of long time she didnt have green tea thingy. Just wanna make her up for the day as she will be having the subject that both of us freaking hate...MATH! So seeing that happiness kinda relieves a lot. Gambatte for your math.

Father sending her home, kinda realize there's something wrong with Shang's Almera and guess what, yea Silly told me her sis just kinda bang her car again and this time it the fault of both party as both of them reversed at the same time.

After reaching home, Silly just snapped me a few times saying her wanna give up on Math and I said WAY NO, you retake it so you have to a least pass it right. And her sore throat and coughs literally worsens, which is what worries me a lot. Maybe coz its her exam time so I was this nervous about it, yea hope so.

So decided to buy herbs and secretly went to her home to boil it for her and just leave right after that. Things turn out not what I want or plan...Coz they haven't had dinner yet and she's bathing. Okay then just carry on with it. Dinner with her family tho yuanbaba and yuanmama were at China. Those warmth was what j missed a lot. Maybe its becoz I was studying abroad from home and miss the family dinner moment. Yea it must be.

Discussed about what happened with Shuang car and there's literally nothing as its the fault of both side. Its just that need to leave it for Silly parents to solves.

As the night went along, have to come up with a schedules for my sponsorship team and yea, for the sake of showing up to singk at the 18th of May.

Leon

3pm

Today started off quite bad but I guess it ended well...Silly was feeling really sick with all the coughs and her phlegm was getting from white to green again... when she went for exams... she said that she literally forgot to brought jacket and it was really cold.

Guess what? Her sister literally forgot to pick her up and her nose begins to run wild. And there's our yelling and raging begins... started off by me calling her to go die again...Sorry that I didnt know about jw calling you to go die and fuck off almost everyday after you guys broke up. Its just that i thought that it means telling you to live longer because I wanted you to do so. So that we can play badminton,continue to share some secrets and that I really cares about your well being. I dont know why did I triggered, maybe its because I just literally wants you to hate me because of that lil part of me still hoping while the major part of me trying to stay beside you as you AH GONG and BAI CHI. Just like that.

The things which get to me about liking you its because of me cares a whole lot for you...And I already cut down on msging you just because I was really really scare that you would tell me to leave whenever I tell you that I still and do cares.

Maybe its because of the bonding we shared before this, or maybe its because of the way the both of us still do care about each other?? I dont know.

A potential bestie can sometimes ended up being the best for each others because we knew each others well enough to accept the type of person we both are.

But still, I seriously wish that for this moment we can stay this way...not to say I hope in future things will change for the both of us. But like you said, nothing is certain of what we will be in the future, right?

As of this moment,I only wants to care and shares your stories about your past and gossips all that.

I know you may or will literally just blocked me or tell me to leave after seeing this but anyhow, I accept it if you really really thinks that I am just a temporary person who will leaves. Because in the end, the one to leave will for sure, not ME.

It matters a lot or not what you did to me,Silly.

Realizing this situation that I triggered, quickly I grabbed my art line pen and begins writing an apologizing letter to Silly, and in the meantime, went off to buy an Somersby Apple Cider and the Strepsils which I found in my fridge to her. I mean, come on, it doesn't really matters who's right nor wrong, if its Silly, I'll apologizes and always will do so to her. Coz of the messages she typed and the way she told me to leave if I want to, really hurts a lot.

It may not havent be a suitable time yet, but I'll wait. In the meantime, I just be bestie.

The moment she saw me going upstairs, she's just kinda surprised and I thank god for that. After handed her those things, hey its her grandma and ah gu... also her sis in the room below, we are like hey long time no see. In my mind, yea its been long time and yea, I miss the time spent with your family, a lot.

She said to me, which kind of idiot would had bought her apple ciders and strepsils to apologize, yea its me. And gladly you seems happy about it. Knowing how much you stress out would had made me worries a lots too. So a moment of you laughing or smiling would had been a pleasure for me, a lot. It's a relief I think.

After that went to spray some perfumes on her phone cover to see if it really did help but in the end still have some slight beer smells on it. Would have love to chat with her longer but there's this exams which troubles her a lot, might as well just went downstairs to catch up with her grandma and sis.

Told her about my grandma passing away few weeks back then, her grandma was in shock saying why didnt let her know. I was kinda startled as to why she said that. But oh well, it a warmth I guess. Later then her grandma told me that her legs can't walk a lot so she didnt followed Silly's parents went to China, knowing it would be a burden for their trips. Hey Grandma, you gonna lives a long life, no worry, god bless! 

After that we just kinda discuses about the siblings and the matters in out family, which I think is a new perspectives for me as to how do the old folks thinks. They only wants the best for sons and daughters, as always. So after that I kinda mentioned that the U.S plans my 1st Uncle asked me to her. Then she said about how Ah Bao and her sis was working in SG too. In the end I told her that I gonna stay here working and gaining experiences before I venture outside too.

We talked and talked until halfway, Grandma suddenly ask me since you are here,would you like to help me to finish the papaya that I bought, coz she said that Silly and her sis for sure can't finish it and left it on the table after that. After that, yea Papaya's good for your throat you silly...So I agree to help her finish it up, knowing that I will have to eat maybe half of them for you, well at least you did eat it, right. After seeing how I finished them, her grandma just thought of asking me for dinner, but I can't coz its still early and I have to accompany LC and Ben to One Utama later on. Hey maybe next time, Ah Po. Hehe thanks lot for the invitations, I really do.

Before I went back, yea went up to have a final check on her, and guess what! She finished those apple ciders and starting to spammed Strepsils, god please let her recover ASAP. She still have Bio and Math to go. Please, I beg you.

As time goes by, I really hope that we can be bestie or something more than that. But if its impossible, then I would have just be bestie for her, I guess.

Leon.

曾经快乐的自己

只是，
你不肯放手，依然苦苦追尋、
然後換來更多的厭棄與失望。
是因為你真的相信，
如果有天終於可以得到，
心就會真正變得安靜，
以後不會再亂想太多，
也不會再沒源由地鬱結、或失眠；
是因為你仍然會奢望，
如果得到了，就可以跟其他人一樣，
輕易地去笑、或假裝快樂，
不會再被別人討厭、或捨棄，
也不會再想得太多、自尋煩惱更多……
因為，自己最想要的，
已經可以得到了，
因為，最難的難題都可以被解開了，
那還有甚麼苦結不幸、失望遺憾，
能夠再折騰自己更多……
到時候，應該會變得心滿意足，
不會再有遺憾、再難受，
之後也不會再有任何事情，
可以難倒自己、困擾自己……

但，來到這夜，
你還是得不到，
那些不可能得到的人與事。
你難受、放不開，
那些太難過的感受，仍然伴著你入夢。
但其實，得不到，
不等於就只能夠繼續難過，
得到了，也不等於以後會從此好過。
其實……
你真的不一定要擁有過，
才可以變得快樂，
才可以，離開那一個夢魘。
只是，你始終不想相信，
可以這麼輕易或簡單，
自己能夠就這樣得到挽救。
你始終相信，
自己差一點就可以得到，
就可以變回，那個曾經快樂的你……

然後，又變得太過疲累。
然後，又叫自己不要就這樣放棄。

Sober

Last night was a mess up night...Literally had gone antisocial,string broken and so went to drink with boss and lady boss, Ck and Celest... as promised.

Starting from Silly came to my room, just ran into my bed with my favorite Disney blanket and covered herself up with that. Maybe coz she's sick, and her sore throat really did concerns me a lot, so I took out a 100plus earlier for her to help her ease up her sore throat in case later she's not feeling well about it.

ET reached and when we got into cars...Straight away game time, I realize everytime when I got into game...Yea addiction happens...But not for this one...As I can straight away threw it and uninstall it for good.

What's more, we reached earlier. So Silly and I were to went in and warmed up first. The moment when we stroke, okay thats it, somethings wrong with my strings, at the end....Every strokes, pattern net, and smash were sucks AF. That really frustrates me as I couldn't perform like the way I always do.

Right after badminton, Celest approached me and Mr.V and said she's thirsty...Of course she is, she just wanna have some drink after Bean( their beloved companion dog) passed away. And so we went to Little Bally at Ss15...Silly was feeling sick yet she drank a lot...And she just keep on saying joooooom when we asked her for second rounds. Right after we went to freshen up bit at Lorong (a mamak  near Rendezvous Corner where we celebrated ET bday. Place full of memory, okay snap out of it. Those are past tense.

Just how hateful you are towards me that you told me to die like 7-8 times...Of coz I know its jokes but hey things dont just came out from anyone mouth like that...Mr V was pity as FML shifu for Silly, and Celest hahaha. 8,9,10 and 11 1/4...She's down...Broke her limit but she went down...And some of the beers me and Mr.V purposely poured into our glass coz dont want Silly as she's not feeling well. She told me we can't share but duhhhh....I won't get sick so easily...No worry. Priority goes to the one who had exams and are sick AF.

There's this drink game that we played which I quickly adapted myself into it coz I loved it. Silly was drinking a lot when we were playing this game...And I thought okay she's about to go down as she leans a lot towards me...Haizzz...The last game was when all the male drinks, Silly just went on and was about to drink, quickly stopped her with that. And just told her to rest. And she really did until we finish the game and went back. And thank you for pouring beers onto my legs as well.

On the way back, I am still sober as fuck and Silly told us she's about to threw up, luckily I gt my DC bags and quickly I emptied it up in case she really do, we stopped by roadside and asked her to throw up but she didnt, so I switch place to the back and apply some med oil onto her to keep her comfort. Soon right we reached home, okay I am doomed for good, Huan mama haven't sleep and was waiting for her, so sweet and caring...But I guess I do let her down as I escort Silly down the car and went in to the garage. Before that, she even can't unchain the house key out from her bag. When she went in, she just keep banging the door and Huan mama literally just look at outside and I was waving hands to her.

Inside ET car, we are glad that Silly didnt literally threw up, if not sorry bro hahaha. But no worry, DC bags are there in case she really do. When she went in, ET and I discussed about it and we reach a conclusion of me calling to explain what happened as in why she go drink and that I apologize for not taking 100% good care of her, then there's this thought flashing all of a sudden...Who am I to her and her family, haha just forget about it. Silly really did threw up and pity her Sis, Shuang...Had to sleep downstairs I guess...Coz the smells of the residue of the threw up, was no joke, had one bad experience with it and I still remember it till today.

After called up Huan mama...She thanks me for taking care and bringing her home, yea thanks to ET too. For driving us back, and comforts  me to call up Huan mama, thank you bro. Sincerely. And I guess thats all for yesterday...Hope it ends well and that I really did take care of her. Its just that things are not the same anymore, Leon.

Gambatte.

Free

And so I did it, going all way out, telling Silly just how much I like her so that I can know how much she wants me to give up on her. She'll literally force herself to like someone in order for me to give up on her after hearing as to how only will I give up on her, which is why I think it's time, to let go ALL. That's crazy and that's the thing which I cant accept at all. So yea, I guess that how to wrap up the chapter and well who knows, another chapter in friendship might sounds not that bad, right. Plus what's more, all my guessing and prediction are on BULLSEYE. Should go buy toto or Magnum after this, who know...millionaires in one night haha. Was it after you liked me only you intro me ET Squad?? YES..I did...coz I want you to meet my friends and get to know my friends circle. Same goes to Seb group as well. To be honest, I think maybe it was me who accelerates things too fast that that feels just kinda evaporates too soon if I didnt continue to work on it, and yes...on the night of 31st of March right after we back from badminton...I fuck up everything...what's about the solution which we both agree to talk out if any shits appears...but I did talked out and told Silly the facts that I kinda care about her saying as days by days goes on, she enjoy being alone more and more often. Coz that sentence to be honest, affects me a lot. But guess what, things already happened and yea, we cant possibly undo it like it never happened, my mind was made up to remember things and details like this so I just want to be true to myself.

Well after we talked those things out in car, she did actually begins to get frustrated and I know these are the last thing that I wish to see with both my eyes. Just maybe in future she'll get a clearer picture of it, but for now, it's just that, maybe like what Min told me, not the time as she's still confusing and those thoughts?? Are not on par with her maturity, yet. Ck (ET group) asked me questions and there's this one which I truly answer it to my heart content as in with sincere, He asked me: why would you hold on on her while there's still other girls who you deserves more?? I mean, come on...if you can rationalize this kind of things, then there would surely be no chemical reaction and what's more, love is BLIND. Both of us laugh as in HAHAHAHAHAHA~~ At the end of the conversation, he wishes me good luck and all the best..which I dont know what it means. I am just tired, very tired.

Right after we talked out, I went home with full speeding coz of 2 reasons, which is I get the green light full road oh yeaaaaaaaa and things are running wild in my head too, and to rush for celebrating our dear sister Sydnie's bday. Ended up, its me who got prank by them and we went for a drink right after I told them that I went to talk to Silly about our matter. Sebastian knows me well enough that I need to release all of them, and so...yea UNCLE DON DRINKING TIME. and whooaaah....fartttttt, out of the 12 shots in the menu, they ordered 8 shots for me,and want me to finish them like in 10sec, if not...well another tower for me...I was kinda scare coz the last time I remember I took those in one shots, and all mixed up, all hells breaks lose...as in I literally just throw up and my stomach was really really in pain. But who cares, maybe, just maybe things will be different these time around, and poof...pop pop pop pop pop pop pop..Tequila, Martini, Blue Label, Bombay Sapphire, Barley, VSOP Hennessy, Black Label and Cognac. I finished them all in 10 sec...fucking 10 sec....nothing to be proud of but yea..they failed...hahahaha....after that, they ordered 4 pints of Carlsberg for me...i was like wtf, just give up already...I know myself well that if I didnt throw up on those shots, those pints are nothing to me already.

The night was good in atmosphere as me myself didnt want to screw up the environment for dear Sydnie and her bf Eric...and so I told myself to not not not to screams and tears up. Not this time, and surprise I did it. They are sort of impressed by the amount of alcohol that I can tolerate, but hey, maybe its because i have a good metabolism rate right...coz the last time I went to check my body age, last 2 month...It was 22 years old...lol guess those badminton routine did helped me a lot huh...<3 badminton.

So, I guess everything ends here and time to concentrate on my career and make moneeehhhh....relationship?? Guess wont be so soon anymore...things are already different after what I went through this time, not sure its a good or a bad thing, let's just hope it's a good one.

Leon

3rd of May (Comeback)

3rd of May (Comeback)

Its been like 2-3 years since the last blog. Cant believe I am through lots of ups and down. Time flies, they do. Its been like in these 2 years, lot of stuff happened, lets start from the good one. There's this gang who came to my house during CNY to visit me. I'll just mention them as Seb group. In this group, there's lot of warmth and things to learn, especially on the society university which we all have to go in right after we graduate and begin our working life. They are for me, now like brothers and every occasions and every Saturday we would be playing badminton together at hometown and right after that, crazy YUMCHA or LIMTEH session with them. How does it sounds crazy?? you ask me, haha I would say its fun and also in the same time, learning something new in my life book, adding new chapters into it. Life's sure bored as hell without them. Well, who knows I gotta continue to my Bachelor(Hons) in Graphic Design in the same college after sometime working for like, 1 year.

Life in college had been very much filled with fun, our class were the funky and classic one. Filled with lots of gangs and lucky to me, I was set to be the classs rep coz of my AGE! gosh, shouldnt had admit it when they ask who's the oldest, BUMMER! hahaha. there's this anime gang, diploma gang, foundation gang, transfer gang and for me myself, the Lone Ranger which doesnt have any connectivity with the whole class, unless for one or 2 coz we kinda played badminton back then when i was studying diploma and they were in foundation class.

Talking about badminton, heeey, this year the gang was kinda fun and not like lastime when the hall is empty as hell and you need to prebook ppl to actually play in the hall. WAY NO haha. In this badminton gang, I kinda met one girl, this girl, who lately been very much affected me as in like every seconds of my time and every chapters on my life after that. Its a good thing, but also which I cant deny, doesnt have the pros and cons, I mean come on, life's not 100% perfectly right, so yea I kinda approached her and we were able to link well as in communication and expression, back then. She nicked me MOON, alright then lets give her back a nick too, lets just name her Silly. (if you are reading this dont be angry right, silly as how I called you always,if you had better suggestion, name it and I would gladly change it.) Silly and I kinda knock each other everytime I have badminton session, would always invite her coz man, she's just cute and her skills in badminton are so far to say being humble all the time and she's keep on want to improves herself as we played mix double a lot. Thats the moment which I truly loves and cherish the most as I finally found a mixed partner in badminton, who loves badminton as how the way I am.

Silly kinda says sorry everytime we loss points coz of she, but lets just say it now, Its a mixed double game, if you are not doing well means I am not too, so sorry back....:). Still ddint thought of her could affects me this lot in my life besides badminton. Well, I guess should be running off to badminton now at college though. Lots more to share. Cheers

Leon